Aging Parents

   Let's face it. If you have aging parents it means you are aging yourself. The "cute" Guy that I married in 1979 is now 62. My Mother is 86. at 56 I'm not a spring chicken either. I come from a family of non complainers ( which you will find hard to believe if you read this blog), my Mother never openly complained to anyone about anything. I heard her complaints but she never openly said anything to anyone if she was disgruntled. It didn't matter if she was right. She never spoke up for herself.. She was a RN and  worked hard all her life. She never returned anything to a store, considered it bad manners to do that. This only matters because now, at 86 there are times she needs to complain, not to stores , to people..she needs to stand up for herself. She can't or won't...Luckily she has me. I am now her voice. I'm now the person who has to speak up on her behalf. It's not always easy. There are an amazing number of people out there trying to take advantage. We all know this, we all repeat this...At this point I've met a lot of them. It's amazing how many there are. They really exist and they really want to take everything. You have to be tough and vigilant.

   After my Father passed away in 2002 she seemed to be doing ok. She had many friends and activities to keep her busy. She Volunteered at the Elks Lodge and Hospice and  Red Cross and the Chamber of Commerce.. She was on the board of a PAC that represents Federal Retirees. She was a member of the Red Hat Club. She traveled to the Bahamas and Alaska. She went Hot air ballooning and jet skiing. Nothing to worry about there.
   Along the way we did the kind of things one does with an aging parent. We made sure that she had a will and a Living Will and that I have Power of Attorney. I was added to her Bank Account. All just formalities. She was an active person living her life. She would complain to me about things like the Hospice case that lasted so long Hospice forgot they had her on the case. The woman treated her like she was a maid. She would complain to me, I would say " Quit" .."it's your free time they are taking. Stand up for yourself". She never did Eventually though she did slowly stop all the activities that annoyed her..

    About 3 years ago we visited her for her Birthday. She lives in Florida, I live elsewhere.  She mentioned that she would not be able to drive her car anymore. I must say that her car had been a point of contention since before my Father died. It was your typical South Florida car. A Lincoln Town Car. Not only that, it was the Floridian edition. Comes in Pastel Colors and 18" longer than other Town Cars. Has a badge with a palm tree on it that says Floridian.  Hers was white not pink, we were thankful at least for that. People were constantly saying she didn't need that big car. They were actually mad at her for owning it. Someone offered to take it off her hands for free, he would drive her anywhere she wanted...Amazingly that was one scammer she ignored. The more it was said the more she would dig in her heels. So when she said she couldn't drive  it? We were confuse was the car broken? She had taken it to the Dealer to have all work done believing it would keep the car in tip top shape. No. Something had happened. Someone called the police and reported her driving and the nice officer said ..."  I have a Mother who is a much worse drive than you are,You can continue to drive but you won't be allowed to renew your license". She wasn't mad about it, thought it was probably for the best. I would later learn that she had gotten lost one day about an hour south of her house and wasn't sure how to get home...not driving was a good thing She  told us she drove the car to the dealership and offered to give it to them. Not sell it...give it. They thankfully didn't take her up on her offer. I said "Mom, how did you plan to get home?" She said" I'd just given them a car, I figured they would give me a ride".. We cleaned and polished her car and placed an ad on Craig's List. My husband and I were visiting her for a month so we had the time to take care of it. It was a mistake in that she loved having the cash she got from it...a bunch of $100 bills, This may be when she started thinking she needed to have cash.. So, at the same time I looked in to getting her accepted to the Senior Bus Service that goes door to door in her area. It would be $2 a ride and would drop her off where she needed to go and pick her up too. Perfect. It took a while but finally she was accepted. She did not seem thrilled at the acceptance. I called and planned a trial trip to WalMart. I could ride with here as a "companion". All went well. The ride was a little long but it got you there. After a month I had to go home. I do have a life too. She could come to live with us but doesn't want to live in the cold. She says cold while making a shivering sound ccccooolllldddd!
 
   The first solo bus ride that I chose for my Mother was a trip to her Dr.'s office. I made sure she had plenty of $1 bills to pay for her ride. All was set. Keep in mind my Mother had never in her life used public transportation. We were a 2 car family in the 50's...she always had her own car. The Dr.'s office would call when it was time for the bus to pick her up. When I knew it was past time for my Mother's appointment I called her Dr.'s office to see how it went..the Dr's phone message announced the office was closed. What? Surely it wasn't. I called the bus service. They said "Your Mother told the driver that was the wrong spot for her Dr.'s, she got off somewhere else"....WHAT? this never occured to me. How could this be happening? What was I suppose to do? I had a list of emergency numbers but none would help me. I never thought of number for when your Mother does the totally opposite of what she should be doing !!! Should I call the Police and ask them to look for  5" tall white haired lady? Haha that's a joke..Where she lives that's the description of everyone. I finally called some relatives who live there. My Dad's side of the family. I asked them to look out for her along the main highway through town. The person I convinced to do this went to the Dr's office, it was open. Jerks! They said my Mother had left with her nephew. My Mother doesn't have a nephew  that lives there. He was my cousins husband. He had driven her places before but then there was always a check cashed for $400 at the same time. While I was a frantic basket case my Mother was off eating lunch. Without me knowing, she had asked him to drive her to the Dr's. When he got to her house and she wasn't there, he too was frantic. Luckily  he didn't kick in the door or some other crazy thing. Instead he drove to her Doctors office. When I finally spoke to her she didn't see what the big deal was. She hated the bus. People on it were different and she wasn't riding it again. Period. Luckily, when we sold the car. The wife of the purchaser mentioned that she had worked for a Company that would provide rides to people like my Mother. I called and got her set up as a client. The cost per ride was about $50. My Mother wasn't thrilled. She could get friends to drive her places. Her neighbor would be happy to take her to the store. Well of course she would. My Mother seemed to think the going rate for a ride was $400. Take her to the bank you got $400. Trip to Walgreens? $400. This had to stop. This from a woman who shops at the Dollar store. A woman who unplugs her microwave so it doesn't use too much energy. When questioned she said " People expect to be paid if the give you  ride". She didn't seem to understand that while gas prices have risen, they haven't risen that much. With the agency, I got a fair bill for time and mileage. Very fair. Agreed upon in advance. They actually knew where they were going... showed up on time.
  


   You have to question a person that would accept $400 from a little old lady for a 5 mile drive. The neighbors in question were school teachers. They ran an Amway business on the side. They were sure they would become rich with the "Business". They bought their house for $125,000. A look at public records showed that they now owed $275,000. How do I know this? Public Records. When you are going through this type of thing knowledge is your best friend. I was now in protect my Mother ..from not only strangers but from  herself mode. The neighbors abandoned their house as I predicted they would. It went into foreclosure and is now for sale for $102,000. They apparently took a lot of my Mothers things with them when they left. They are now in Kentucky. Good riddance! I care because it brings her property value down. We would love to sell her house for what her mortgage is. But because of the deadbeat neighbors we can't and her Mortgage is 1/2 of their original purchase price.
 


   The cousin that I mentioned earlier? She had just moved to that area when my Dad became sick. Her Father, my Uncle whom I loved, was also sick and dying. After both men passed away a month apart. She and my Mom spent a lot of time together. They did all kinds of fun things. The problem there was they went out to eat most nights and my Mom was the one paying. Apparently she paid for everything they did. Trips to the Keys, a wedding in Atlanta...She grew to resent this. As did I.  Her credit card bills were too high. She Mortgaged the house to consolidate her bills. She quit hanging out with my Cousin. I only bring this up because when suddenly the husband was back in her life and giving my Mother a ride again. She started giving him money again too. They always wanted cash, not checks.Especially when they found out I was closely monitoring her account. According to her, they went grocery shopping and when it was time to pay for his stuff he said " I have no money". She was convinced, positive,  they would starve if she didn't buy them groceries. By this time I was actively watching her banking account. I get an email when money is spent. I explained again and again how during the time they weren't around her they had survived. They own their house outright (Seriously, probably with money that they saved when she was feeding them). They didn't "need" her money, they just wanted it. All of it. That is what I have found to be the common theme here. People seem to want to take all of her money.  I'm trying to stop them.

   The first rip off I know about, this is 2 years before she stopped driving but when I first had to start stepping in to say Mom this has to stop.. It involved her lawn guy. He told her he could fix her sprinkler system. She gave him cash up front, over a thousand dollars. Never saw him again. Thanks to Public Records I know where he was. Jail. He was pulled for either drugs or not paying child support. I told my Mother he was in jail for poverty. My cousin found her a new Lawn person. While I was there visiting, my Mother mentioned that she "scared" her. She had asked to use the rest room and my mother found her wandering in her bedroom ( other side of the house). She said she always seemed to want things my Mother owned. I was sure that my Mother was making this up. Why would a business owner want my Mother's used flower pots. I was thinking maybe my Mother was trying to gift her with these useless things...she gave a lot of things away. A new pot we bought to cook in? The next visit when I asked where it was? "Oh, I gave that away". While I was visiting I saw the lawn person in question. She happened to ask to use the rest room.  It turns out my Mother was right. She noticed or commented about everything of value in the room and pointed out things that grabbed her attention. She quickly noticed my brand new Golf Clubs. She scared me too! Back to the internet. My Mother wrote her checks, so we knew her name. It turned out this woman, a  small business owner, had been charged with 6 Felonies including one for third degree Grand Theft  EXPLOITATION OF ELDERLY OR DISABLED ADULT-LACK OF CONSENT-LESS THAN $20K... 21 Misdemeanors too.This is over the course of years but still...I can only assume she was looking for drugs in my Mothers house... I looked at records in another county and found more of the same. This woman is my age. She is bad news. She had to go. I offered to fire her or better yet have my Brother-in-law do it ( that would teach them!!). After much debate,My Mother chose to send a note when she paid her that said ...Thanks but I no longer need my lawn mowed. Whew, relief, she's gone.
  


   That was the first in a long line of  problems averted.Forward to today. As I sit here typing. I am waiting for an electrician to call . I sent someone to fix my Mother's heat. They padded the bill with $805 worth of extras. I'm now older, wiser, and fighting back. The bill should have been $236 instead it was $1,041.  I wrote a complaint.. I went online and found his license information. There was a place where you could rate him. I did.. honestly..suddenly I had an email from him saying he would make it right. The owner of the company , said he would contact me by noon .We'll see. I pulled my complaint , maybe a mistake.Noons 12 o'clock where I live...at 12:02 . I sent him an email truthfully stating I had been waiting all morning to hear from him. He called 5 minutes after the email. I am happy to say that I won. I had called the electrician and asked them to check on my Mother's heat. When I contacted his company, we agreed that if anything that was not routine came up they would call me. I received no call.  Actually I did, the one from my Mother saying it came to $1,041.00 We went over the bill line by line and that's how we found she had been charged $650 for a light that kills mold and mildew and $150 for a service contract where they come to the house twice a year. I would have said No to both things. No debate. The answer would have been no. He said "the Tech had your number on the service order but it didn't say to call you for approval" As if that made his actions ok.. The lucky thing is my original phone call was recorded. He heard me say "call me", he heard his person repeat my number back to me. He said, the order didn't  say he had to call you. I said..the person on the phone was your agent. He sent the Tech to her house,something I asked him to do,  I should be able to reasonably assume that he also gave him the order to call me. Gotcha! He asked what I wanted. I said $805 back. They did change the thermostat, I would have approved that. I have been watching the account to see if we have been credited. If not, then I will again post complaints on his license information with the state and also on any place where it asks for a review of the business. I am not rude, I'm truthful,   I just state what happened...they padded the bill  by $805 ..Jerks! (I leave that out of the review).the Jerk part.
 


    It's really hard too help an aging parent but it has to be done. I know I'm long winded, it kind of helps to get it all out. There is not manual to follow. I am so thankful to be going through this in the time of the internet and free long distance calling and debit cards.The internet that allows e to look at records online. I hope that talking about my troubles and solutions may help someone else to navigate this tough part of life.

The Beach

There are people who think just because someone has retired that they don't need to take vacations. Those people would be wrong. I just got back from the Pawley's Island. We had lots of fun. We exercised and swam and drank and ate good food and laughed a lot too. I used sunscreen..lot's of sunscreen. We go after Labor Day hpoing there will be fewer kids.
We like the Lazy River. I like it the most. It can be difficult when there are little people all wanting to go fast or slow or while kicking their rafts There were some children there of course. Between year round school and home schooling there are always children out and about at all times these days. Also, when you go after Labor Day the restaurants are not as crowded.

Another Blogger?

If your anything like me. You have a load of favorite Blogs.

I have different ways of organizing them with bookmarks.
- Most favorite of all
-Food Blogs
-Kind of Like Blogs
-Sorta Good Sometimes
-Money Saving
The problem is that some of them have been moved to my
-Don't Post Very Often bookmark.
It's disappointing when your favorite Blogger takes a break or disappears. I know that has happened to me many times. I hate to take them off my favorites list so there they stay. But I miss them.

So why do I think I have what it takes to be a Blogger?

I have written Blogs about my weight loss journey on a free site. They have been well received. I think mostly because they use emoticons. Emoticons, if chosen well, can make even simple things look funny. Say you feel fat and then add an emoticon of a bloated smiley face in overalls and you make your point in a way that everyone understands.

So..who am I?
I am a middle aged wife, mother of grown sons. I like to cook, decorate, work out and do Genealogy.

I exercise a lot. I recently got my hair cut. After 7 years of going to the same place I tried a new salon. I told the woman I would like my hair cut shorter but for it still to be long enough to pull back for exercising.The hairdresser was young ( early 30's maybe) and she immediately asked if I am a runner.
The weight loss Blog that I use says if you consider yourself to be a runner then you are one.

I am a runner.

I've never run a formal race. I just run for fun ( and hopefully to walk off some of my rear end). I don't run every day.  But I do walk or run for 70 minutes most days. In the  3 years that I've been doing it I have lost 30 pounds. And more importanly not put on 30 pounds. Anyway, I was pretty floored that her first thought when told that I want  good exercise hair  was..Oh, she's a runner..Me!!??!...that must mean she thinks I look athletic...right?  I'm at the age where how I picture myself  in my mind when I'm thinking of my self..and how I look when I look in the mirror..don't always mesh. I still think and feel like a pretty young person...and really that is all realative. If I start hanging out with people in their 60's and 70's then I'm still young. right? So being asked if I'm a runner kind of made my day.

My Husband retired a couple of years ago. He plays Golf so it's ok. He gets out. He also likes to cook dinner sometimes. Actually fairly often. And I'm such a good iwfe, I let him cook and chop and grocery shop as much as he wants.. We also, travel. In June we went to Scotland.  Tomorrow we leave for the beach. Trips will be fun things to Blog about. In the real world people don't necessarily want to look at your vacation pictures.  In  Blog land  readers can look or go to another blog or I guess they can file you under Blogs with obnoxious Travel pictures.

 I have to get up early tomorrow but I'm still staying up to watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills tonight. I watched it last year so it's not like I'm somone staring at an accident site. In the real world I would never admit to watching. Or maybe that's the true test of a friend..if you can admit to them that you watch. Will you be watching?